Playing with Fire
by CrimsonDreamer13
Summary: The memories of a certain James T. Kirk regarding the development of his relationship with his First Officer, and how McCoy somehow had a hand in it. Kirk/Spock


**Title:** Playing with Fire  
**Author/Artist:** CrimsonDreamer13**  
****Character(s) or Pairing(s):** Kirk/Spock, McCoy, mentioning of Uhura  
**Rating: **M  
**Warnings:** Man-on-man smex, curse words  
**Summary: **The memories of a certain James T. Kirk regarding the development of his relationship with his First Officer, and how McCoy somehow had a hand in it.

**Disclaimer: **If I were to own Star Trek, I don't think I'd need to write this anymore. And I'm sure Star Trek wouldn't be as interesting if I were the owner. So let's all praise the true owners, 'kay?

* * *

"Ngh," James T. Kirk groaned out as he bit his lip, sweat trailing down his skin as he gripped onto the dirty bed sheets beneath him. A grunt was given in reply by his partner, hips slowly thrusting forward so that he could adjust to the large size of the Vulcan in him. He twitched in mixed pain and pleasure when sharp teeth nipped at his shoulder, surely leaving _more_ evidence of their nightly activities.

This thing they had? Heh, maybe you wouldn't believe it but...it's just like a friends-with-benefits thing. You'd think that as a Vulcan Spock would be unwilling for that kind of relationship; but hey, he was the one who initiated this liaison. Hard to believe, but it's true.

It was pretty amazing how they'd managed to end up like this, what with the past hate they held for each other. He could still feel those warm hands around his neck, choking the life out of him on the bridge but somehow- _somehow,_ he couldn't stop his self from suddenly thinking what it would be like to feel those hands _somewhere else _on his body. What it would feel like to touch those long, slender fingers...and how it would affect the man, seeing as Vulcans' erogenous zones were their hands. Hands, of all things!

Yeah, they hated each other. But then came the time when they saved each others' _lives_- only a dumbass wouldn't be able to appreciate that.

So when Spock volunteered his self as the First Officer –he couldn't help but think that somehow, the other Spock had a hand in that-, he'd barely managed to suppress the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach as he grinned at the man, accepting him into the crew with the words, "It would be an honor, Commander."

It was after he'd finally managed to muster the courage to ask the Vulcan to eat lunch with him that they grew closer.

He learned that Spock was a vegetarian, and that he preferred his mother's cooking over the replicated forms of food the _Enterprise_ offered. Sure, everyone disliked the replicators- but hearing the Vulcan say it was just really...comforting. It wasn't usual that he'd talk about his _dead_ mother with anyone, after all.

Then Spock asked if he played chess.

And he said that he did, thus resulting in their daily schedule of Chess Night.

He couldn't help but feel proud when the Vulcan said while they were playing one time, "You are...the most illogical chess-player I have ever played against." Well, yeah, maybe it sounded a _bit_ insulting- but then he realized that Spock had a thing for illogical beings. Not to say that he'd do anything that was illogical; it merely meant that he favored observing the illogical than the logical.

It made him feel special to know that his First Officer liked observing him the most.

All his life, people only ever saw him as 'George Kirk's son', 'that reckless boy', 'the newly assigned Captain of the _Enterprise_' and all that. He hated living in his father's shadow, hated being admired only for his looks, hated being wanted only for his position- but Spock didn't care about all that. Yeah, he definitely took notice of him being the superior officer (and _maybe_ the Vulcan admitted one time while they were eating dinner that his physical features were "aesthetically pleasing" which resulted in him choking on his food), but the only things he admired from James Tiberius Kirk were his uniqueness, his illogical thinking, his daring actions- he admired James T. Kirk for _who he is._

And Jim liked that.

Which then led to a time when they both got drunk on shore leave (McCoy 'accidentally' giving the Vulcan chocolate liquor- it being the cause of Spock's inebriation. Jim definitely took note of this.), afterwards leading to both of them beaming up the _Enterprise_ and pretending to be fine when they're _not_- and it ended up...well. Badly. It actually depends on whose point of view you were in right now.

In the Captain's point of view, it was actually pretty damn fucked up- but he liked it. Definitely. When that tongue licked on the underside of his-...yeah, it was good. Absolutely.

It was when they woke up the next morning _naked_ that they remembered what they did last night and _shit_ was Jim nervous. He almost tripped on the mess of clothes when he stood up, backing away as he muttered curses and apologies all at the same time.

Then Spock suddenly spoke and he felt like his heart soared (fucking _soared_)and his cheeks burned and his head ached-

"I would not be averse to doing this again with you, Jim."

He said _Jim._

And suddenly, he felt like a high school girl who just got a love confession from her crush_ of all things_ but goddamn if he didn't like the part when the guy kisses the girl. He didn't even mind that he was the _girl_ at that point, only caring about that tongue in his mouth and those fingers tangled in his hair making him feel _wanted._

It was at that point that he realized that he'd already gone too deep, went too far, played around with the fire too much and someday, somehow he was going to get _burned_ for it.

In short:

He had _fallen in love._

Which then made him remember that Spock was supposed to be in a relationship with Nyota Uhura (goddamn his memory), forcing him to push away from the kiss as he asked the Vulcan, "What...what about Uhura? Aren't you two-"

There was a hint of amusement in his First Officer's eyes and if he really weren't serious at that moment he would have taken the moment to admire the man's brown eyes _and_ slap him for being a jerk. Then he spoke, "Lieutenant Uhura and I have terminated our relationship."

"...oh."

_Oh._

Well. He really couldn't find any other words to say that would express how ridiculously happy he was with that news and maybe a tiny part of him felt that he should say sorry for them not working out-...but then his libido won out.

Seems as if Spock's won out for him too.

And then it happened every time after they'd finish playing chess, or after they'd finish their work on the bridge and-

Oh to hell with it, it happened _every fucking time they had the chance._

Which was a lot, by the way. He still found it hard to believe how his crew didn't notice how he limped around most of the time. Or maybe they _did_ notice but they were too scared to say anything since, after all, he _was_ their superior officer.

It wasn't really hard to believe that his best friend, Leonard "Bones" McCoy, was the first one to say something about it to him since that first time on the shuttle when he passed by the sickbay. His limp was pretty bad that time since they did it...thrice? Four times? He really couldn't remember.

Thus, the following conversation occurred as he was pulled in the doctor's office:

"Jim, what the hell happened to you? Why are you limping?"

"Uh. I...fell off my chair?"

"Don't fuck with me, damn it! I'm your _friend_ and I'm worried about you!"

"....er. Maybe something, uh, sexually-related happened?"

"...Jim. Are you telling me that you..?"

"Yes?"

An exasperated sigh. "With who?"

"Do I really have to tell you?" _Puppy dog eyes mode: on!_

"Yes. I need to know if you can get STDs from the guy or not." _Puppy dog eyes have failed._

"Er...promise not to tell anyone?"

"As if I'd want to tell anyone about your escapades!"

"Okay, well, maybe...I did it with my First Officer."

"....Jim, _really?_ Are you serious?"

"What? You asked! I only answered."

"Augh, now the images are going to _haunt me-_ ..how in heaven's name did- did the _two of you_ happen, anyway?"

"Hey," Jim pointed an accusing finger at McCoy, "_you're_ the one who got him drunk! ...wait, does this mean I should _thank you?_"

"Oh god, you and the hobgoblin did it while you were _drunk?!_"

"Well yeah-"

"_I am going to kill that green-blooded bastard once I get my hands on him-"_

"Damn it, Bones! I'm not a kid! I can handle myself perfectly fine!"

"But you're _limping._"

"...I asked for it."

"....goddamnit, I did _not_ need to know that."

"Well it's your fault for being so nosy-"

"Just get back to the bridge!"

In summary:

He got pulled into the sickbay, interrogated on whether he was sick, had a tricorder hover over him, interrogated _again_ on how the hell him and Spock happened, got reprimanded for giving the doctor mental images, had the doctor threaten Spock while he wasn't even there, got scolded some more for giving the doctor mental images, and left the sickbay.

He really loved Bones. He was like a male version of his mother, and even if that image was a bit horrifying, it was nice to have him as a best friend. Besides, annoying him was a favorite hobby. It wouldn't be as fun if he didn't have his best friend on the _Enterprise._ There was also that thing about him being a great doctor and hell yes did he appreciate that. A nice way of showing that appreciation was his other hobby of getting hurt daily, which really irritated Bones. And yeah, he liked annoying the doctor. Was it that obvious?

"Shit-!"

It was with a gasp that he returned to the present (and what a wonderful present it was), hips bucking up of their own accord as he felt his prostate being hit over and over again and _fuck_ did it feel good. He moaned in agreeing pleasure, moving his hips with the Vulcan's as they made an erratic rhythm of their hip thrusting. "Spock-"

"Jim..." The Vulcan breathed out with eyes half-lidded and pale skin flushed green from exertion (he had to admit, even if Spock's blood being green was weird, he found it a tad bit sexy) as he leaned over Jim, lips teasingly close to his ears as he whispered, "I...I wish to meld with you, Jim."

He had frozen at that, eyes wide as he stared in wonder at his First Officer. "Meld..? You- you really want that?"

Spock nodded (that heart soaring feeling was getting a bit annoying, he had to admit), fingers leaving light touches on his cheek as he spoke, "I-I had presumed from our, ah, affairs that you...you wanted me. That you love me."

"I..." He breathed in, feeling their hip movements come to a pause as he panicked inwardly. The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat pounding in his ears when he managed to speak in a hoarse voice, "I-I do. I love you. But I thought that you-"

"You had assumed that I did not reciprocate said feelings?" The Vulcan made light of the situation that he almost wanted to punch him- but he really didn't want to ruin the moment right now.

He nodded hesitantly in response, glaring at his First Officer when he noticed his lips twitch. "What?"

"I am merely," Spock paused, the smile in his eyes becoming clear to Jim as he spoke, "...amused, at how you could not see that I love you back."

"..._what?_"

The Vulcan almost looked like he was about to smile when he suddenly rolled his hips, eliciting a surprised moan from Jim as he arched his back. Their foreheads were pressed together as they started another slow rhythm with their hips, half-lidded eyes filled with lust and _love_ and there wasn't anything else in the world they could wish for that was better than this.

"Jim, t'hy'la," Spock murmured softly, voice husky as he traced his fingers along the melding points on Jim's face, "please, I need..."

"Anything you want." Jim whispered in reply, covering the hand on his face with his own as he grinned unabashedly. "I want to be completely yours."

"As I will be yours." The Vulcan whispered to him with fingers pressing themselves onto his face, a sudden flow of emotions filling him as he closed his eyes in rapture. Love, lust, concern, possessiveness...it was as if he were in an ocean and he felt completely _safe_, warmth filling him as he heard Spock utter, "My mind to your mind..."

"Your thoughts to my thoughts." He whispered back, fingers flexing before he finally let go of his self, tangling his fingers through that soft jet black hair as he kissed his lover with all the fervor he could muster. He suddenly jolted to attention when he felt the heat in his groin uncoil, explosions of white appearing under his closed eyelids as he drowned out his moans in the kiss. "Mm..."

But then he felt the throbbing hardness still inside him, saw the concentrated look on his lover's face- _fuck, he's still trying to control it,_ Jim thought with a scowl. "Spock," he pleaded while stroking the Vulcan's cheek, "baby, look at me. It's fine. You can let go now." He murmured softly as he rolled his hips, making his entrance tighten as he watched chocolate brown eyes flash with desire.

"Mmph!"

Which was probably why he was caught by surprise by the kiss, his mouth automatically opening as he felt teeth nip at his lower lip. "Nn," he shuddered as he felt the warm liquid filling him, gripping harder onto his lover's shoulders (when did his hands get there, anyway?) for support.

It was in a daze that he remembered Spock standing up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom as he suddenly felt his self being cleaned thoroughly. If it hadn't been for the fact that he was already tired, he would've jumped the Vulcan again with his soothing touches on his skin. But he _was_ tired, so he left his lover to his cleaning.

"Spock..?" He murmured softly as he felt warmth on his side, knowing that the other man was already set on cuddling him to sleep again (not that Spock would ever admit it, but he really was cuddly whenever they slept together). He yawned a bit as he felt slender fingers stroking his hair, the soft touches slowly urging him to sleep when he spoke sleepily, "What does...uh, tu-hay-la mean?"

"_T'hy'la_," the other man corrected with a hint of amusement in his voice, "it has many...meanings. The precise meaning of it would be friend, brother and lover." He paused a bit, taking the time to stroke his _t'hy'la'_s hair before he continued, "It could also refer to what humans call a 'soulmate'."

"So I'm your _t'hy'la_?" Jim grinned languidly as he moved closer to his lover, nuzzling his shoulder.

The Vulcan quirked an eyebrow at that, letting out a breath as he pulled his hand away from Jim's face in favor of caressing his cheek. "Yes. If that is not what you want-"

"It's definitely what I want!" The blond interrupted in a rush, taking the hand from his cheek and folding the pinky and ring finger of it as he gave his lover a Vulcan kiss. "I may not be used to being...monogamous, as a lot of people have said before," he grinned softly before placing a brief kiss on Spock's lips, "but I'm willing to try. For _us_."

"That would certainly be...acceptable, Jim." Spock nodded, intertwining their fingers as he spoke, "_Wani ra yana ro aisha._"

"And that means what?" Jim urged the Vulcan as he leaned up a bit into a more comfortable position on the bed. "I love you?"

He was absolutely certain he saw the other man's lips twitch, but he didn't mention it in fear of not getting any more of the sleep that he needed. "You are correct."

A grin. "'course I am. Now can we go to sleep?"

"I believe it was you that kept both of us from our much needed rest."

"Smart-ass. Must be why I love you."

"As your studies of Vulcan anatomy are erroneous, I must say that my posterior does not contain my intellect. It is also quite concerning that you feel affection for me because of such flawed reasons."

"Shut up and sleep, tuh-hey-la."

"_T'hy'la_, Jim."

"_Sleep. Now._"

"Affirmative."

* * *

**A/N: **Oh my god. I really wrote this. I can't believe it. My first ever Star Trek fanfic. orz

Anywaaay, songs used/listened to while writing this were Closer by Nine Inch Nails, Always by Erasure (let us all blame the Rainbow Unicorn kplzthx) and...Fergalicious by Fergie. Please don't ask why.

But if you're curious, you can check here: http://johnheliomustdie. deviantart .com/art/Spockalicious-129611319 (just remove the spaces in the link)

I am not to be blamed for the implosions of awesomeness after you see that piece of artwork.

Reviews are much appreciated, as I am a mere newbie to Star Trek.


End file.
